Arthur and his Amazing Yellow Grub.

I really want to write something funny........ But it feels difficult... just strolling up to my laptop and making a decision like that without warming up my humour muscles.
Oh yes, I have humour muscles, we all do. Mine are located just south of my ridiculously disadvantaged ligament, left of the amicable displeasure triangle and sort of at right angles to my undulating happy place. But you have to look closely.
On a good day they come out to play without so much as a prod of disillusionment. On a good day, my humour muscles are my best friend I want to sing with for life and to never leave my aching sides. Which actually sounds quite good doesn't it? So I have just decided that from now on, every day is a good day! Sounds great huh. Every day is a good day........

A story for you:
Once upon a time, not so long ago....... yeah yeah blah, there was a little boy called Arthur. He had the most enormous humour muscles right below his ribs, slightly left of his middle, but deeply buried inside. Arthur didn't even know they were there! Can you imagine that? So deeply embedded were this little boy's humour muscles that he hadn't ever laughed, almost never smiled, had no clue how to be cheeky and had never ever seen anyone smile at him. Aaaaah.......
Now you might imagine that a little boy like that might be very sad, maybe even feel a little bit lost, perhaps not understand what joy is at all.
But you'd be wrong! Arthur lived for joy! He searched for it everywhere he went, in every face he saw, in each new place he found. Arthur just kind of knew it was out there somewhere. Where he felt it no one really knows, but what is certain is that Arthur's heart beat as loudly as could be, pumped as much life juice in one beat as the strongest man alive, and spoke to him as he woke each morning grateful for each new day.

"What did it say, what did it say??" I hear you cry. Well see, if I told you that it wouldn't mean anything at all. Because Arthur's heart spoke only for Arthur.

One day, while Arthur was digging in the mud, looking for another place where he might find joy, he suddenly stopped dead. There between some pebbles belonging to the mud, some roots belonging to weeds, a few blades of grass belonging to the soil he had turned over, was a shiny yellow grub.
"And who do you belong to?" asked Arthur, curious about his find.
"Where did you come from?" he said to the grub,
"And where are you going?"
The grub squirmed around for a while, considered his answers carefully, then whispered to Arthur the following tale.......
"I belong to no one, the Earth is my friend. I come from everything and I am going everywhere."
Then the grub wriggled a bit more, rolled into a ball and fell asleep.
Which is a shame really because he missed an amazing thing. The sides of Arthur's mouth began to curl upwards, his face began to lift...... and could this be possible.... his tummy began to feel.... different.
"Ha!" Yelled Arthur,
"HaHA!" he squealed even louder. And with that, Arthur was rolling around on the grass he had been digging under, gripping his sides and struggling to control the noises coming out of his mouth (that he didn't recognise but quite liked the sound of....) but not really wanting to stop because in that moment Arthur had found joy!
Why? You might be wondering...... what was it that he had found that was so amazing it actually made him laugh?
Well you see, Arthur had realised he was just like the little grub. Not particularly yellow or at all shiny in fact, but yes, just like the grub.

Because Arthur didn't really know whether or not he belonged to anyone, but because he too knew that the Earth was his friend it really didn't matter. If he didn't know that he belonged to anyone, then it was quite possible he came from everything. And most certainly he knew from inside his heart that he was indeed going everywhere there was to go. For Arthur, life was a continual quest. Arthur had discovered that there was joy in everything he did!

With his chuckle muscles released into action, Arthur set about finding his humour muscles. Because if Arthur had places inside of him just waiting to come out to play, then so did other people and he knew just the way to help find them. Arthur knew he wanted to make people laugh.

Many years later, Arthur died. Aaah, sad. But not before he had shown the world how to make each day worth getting out of bed for, each day counting for something along the way, and each precious moment being lived with joy. He was 124.

Listen to your heart.
Play with the Earth.
Live for joy.

Call into my website http://www.esteemsolutions.co.uk to find out how you too can be a little grub in mud and be happy wherever you live, wherever you're at and whoever or wherever you think you have come from.
It's where we're all going that really counts, and finding joy in the smallest thing gets my vote every time. And let's face it, if we're going to live as long as Arthur we want it to be fun! And if we're not, if life really is too short, then we need to find our own way to make every moment count.

What Does Grief Look Like? What Is It For? How Does It Serve Us?

Anyone who has suffered a loss will know, grief has many faces.
When someone dies, it changes us. Whether you admit to having feelings or not, whether you knew the person well, or not, life is different from then on. How so?
Anything that pings a note on our awareness resonnates for a while. That's why it's called awareness. That's why it's there. We are here to live, to be affected, to love, to lose & to grieve.
Experiences change us, agreed? What we choose to do with them all, well, there's the rub.

Not convinced?
I know there are people who profess not to be affected when they hear a past colleague or sometime acquaintance has died. I know there are people who seem to take death in their stride, accepting it as part of life, seemingly moving on with little effort......... sometimes within their own family. I don't know many myself, but I have seen it and I do hear about it- occasionally I wonder who is most blessed...... and then I know I love having these feelings and wouldn't be without them.
For those who seem to effortlessly make the choice to grieve in a state of acceptance, are you sure you feel any less than the rest of us? Is that not a reaction in itself? To be 'fine' about death is as useful to us as deep grieving. There is awareness to be had by all.
And what this tells us is that death, as life, is unique. Both for the individual shuffling off their mortal coil, and for each and every one of us left behind. For some, bereavement is heart-rending. It is a pain, an accute sense of loss and bewilderment, a questioning force from within (and without) that drives us to know......... more. It hurts like nothing else can. For some. For most I would say, but there are those who hide it well. This too is often a felt response to pain, to confusion. Some of us would fall apart if it weren't for the ability to choose to hold on tight.

Working through this pattern of new feelings can be a challenge. One day seemlessly blurring into the next, concentration failing, a numbness, life devoid of its usual character. Moments or days when life is good, exceptional even, only to be returned to that valley of 'why' and 'what's going on?'. I want to know what that is all about. I want to know how death serves us as people who live on after someone has gone. I am curious to know why we can be so rational in acknowledging that it simply was someone's time, young or old, and yet be so stirred by the lack of them.
Is it all about the physicality of our state? Is it all about no longer being able to see them, hold them, feel them with us in groups not the same without them...... Or is there more? Oh, I think that there is.

I have had many clients asking these questions of themselves and I can only feel that the uniqueness of life is there to show us what we need to see. To hold up experiences to feel, deeply or otherwise. And I also feel that with grief and loss as with everything, we have choice.
Having lost my Great Aunt only a matter of days ago, I know life has made an unalterable shift for me. Not least of all for the simple and beautiful fact that within my own family group she was one of a kind and I will miss her beyond words. To the point where I have yet to be able to express anything that makes any sense to myself or anyone else in my family. So for now her loss remains very private, very personal, and I don't expect anyone else to understand what I am going through. We all miss her, but in different ways for very different reasons, and that makes it painfully personal.
For me, grief is a beautiful thing and I know I will rise up in honour of my aunt, make her proud and take her with me wherever I go. I could never have taken her up a mountain with me these last few years, or ever in fact. But in death I can. She will now be with me always, all ways, because that is my choice. That is my chosen path through grief this time. Memories are a wonder to me, the more I let them come the more I let them come. I will be forever changed for the knowing of her, and forever grateful for the love of her. Her loss to me will never exceed the beauty and worth of her part in my entire life. I'm still here, on this mortal plane, living. Living. Living. Living. And always loving her.

Whatever your personal beliefs about where we all come from and where we all go to (or not) I say go with your feelings. I say take the paths offered through the loss, however unexpected they may be. Allow yourselves to see life as it truly is for you. Explore. Because death is not only about the person who leaves, it is so much more about the persons left behind who can choose to really live, and continue to love.
In death, I am unabandoned. That is my choice. Not a faith. As a human being, I feel joined to my aunt in a new way, with a new understanding of life. Missing her presence? No. Yes. Missing her is part of the journey.

For guidance through your own challenges and changes with life, go to my website at www.esteemsolutions.co.uk or contact me jennie@esteemsolutions.co.uk
It's so good to share, and it's good to be alive. I don't know about you but I have a wealth of opportunities to create and a lot of living to get in before I begin my own shuffle. Accidents with buses (or any other form of transport) aside, there's a long way to go and I'm going to do it with style. A modest lady my aunt, but she also loved a good dose of attention when needed! Here's to Auntie Kate and her impact on my life. With love, with thanks, with honour and proud distinction.

BIG BROTHER! Let us not sit in judgement! There may be no excuse for being unpleasant to people, but there are always reasons.

Competition, pure & simple.

It's always down to comparisons.

It's as old as time itself. Whether your fire is bigger than mine or you live on a better part of the river to me........ same as better car, nice part of town........ don't you think?

Which means that whenever we witness someone being victimised, whether we agree with it or not, a part of us connects with that primal condition in all of us that understands that it is bound to happen. We may not like what we see, we may in fact feel quite strongly that it is wrong. But, because most people will at some time in their life have first hand experience of bullying, victimisation or isolation, there is going to be that sense that the reason for it may well be explainable. So what happens? We sit on the fence, we make excuses, we compound the situation & no one wins. Inaction is the enemy, not the pain of the perpetrator.

I am heartened by the latest furore, & it is on a mammoth scale, surrounding the inhabitants of that social nightmare scenario in the 'Big Brother' house. Whether or not any or all of them are true celebrities is irrelevant. They are human beings, we are watching them as entertainment, we all share a reponsibilty for the outcomes.
Thing is, I don't usually watch it, either version, for no reason other than I don't feel a need to watch. Although each group of people contained within it's walls are unique, & each dynamic will of course vary, the general result is the same. As a concept, I know that people's behaviour will change, there will be bullying, there will be attention seeking, there will be tears & laughter. I simply have no interest in watching people self-destruct so publicly. It's like pulling teeth to me. I'm squeamish like that.

I do have an urge to comment now though. This has really got under my skin. Having not watched anything beyond the opening night when the lambs all trailed their weary ways to slaughter (I'm curious about who wishes to put themselves through it at least!) I had no clue apart from a headline or two about Jade's mother referring to Shilpa as 'the Indian'. That was enough to catapult me into a state or wonderment, & I don't man as in 'wonderland'. I heard about the lack of anyone putting her straight & explaining to her that this is an unacceptable way to refer to someone. But it didn't seem to develop, so was it a storm in a teacup? Would we be comfortable accepting that ignorance is any kind of excuse? If we could even accept that ignorance was to blame!
This is where I get off my own self-constructed fence & have to say that this is the distinction that will educate our future. Excuses are not acceptable, ever. The 'but' to that statement is that there will always be reasons. The reasons, the source of the reasons, will be a salvation if only we take time to look at them honestly.

Why do we need honesty? Because, Jade has managed to pull in at least two other occupants to her camp. They can think for themselves can't they? They all got on perfectly well before Jade came along, didn't they? How is that possible? My personal view is that Jade has her own very deeply ingrained set of criteria by which she judges herself. For me, this is the whole crux of my argument. It doesn't matter how well she has done for herself since her exposure to the world of celebrity & the money that comes along with it. I know very few details about her life before or after BB, but I'm aware of her as a modern celebrity like many of us will be. What I know is that she has a low opinion of herself. It's palpable. And it's a terrible shame.
In order to climb up out of the pit her own criteria provide, she needs to garner 'friends' who will understand where she's coming from. Anyone vulnerable to any kind of outside pressure (er hello, we're talking about a 'celebrity' experience here) will fall foul of the 'safety in numbers' issue which any contained group is exposed to. So in honesty, as a human concern, do we care for Jade too? Can we care for Jade when all around us she is being pillaried for her insensitivities, her crass statements, & her bullying tendencies? It's called emotional parity & it's the oldest trick in the book. Many people will not even know they are doing it, it's like an autopilot instruction for the subconscious that cries out to survive. And what will cause the most likely behaviour required to survive? Equality. It's a birthright. And we will fight if that's what it takes to bring everyone down to the same level. Emotional parity will do just that but it's a destructive force. "I feel bad & I want you to feel bad too" is counterproductive in a competitive world. And there are too many influential people who are aware that they are employing it in order to climb higher up the heap.

Shilpa is a beautiful young woman. She is wonderfully self-asssured, has a grace, presence, awareness of her place in her world which we might all aspire to. That level of self-certainty is a blessing & a wonder to behold. Unfortunately for Jade, & anyone else with her who may be aware they foster their own insecurities, this is perceived as a threat. It isn't a conscious behaviour, it's an innate, primal, desperate need from a depth many people wander the planet unaware they have.

I feel for all of them. No matter what any of them went into that house thinking they were aware of, what they now have is something altogether different & they are all woefully unprepared for how it's making them feel. Feelings are everything. Acknowledging them seems to affect people like a plague & so often has to be avoided at all costs. What we really ought to do is embrace them & allow them their space. Ignore your feelings at your peril. Fight other people over their own & you have a monster waiting to burst out & have its say.

Jade is a victim as much as Shilpa. What is happening to Shilpa is abhorent. What's the answer? Find the reasons for the behaviour & honour the pain therein. I have no doubt from all I have gleaned that Danielle & Jo will thorughly regret their roles in this drama & we need to feel for them too.
Please let us, if nothing else, learn from this debacle, for that's what it is. Out of control with the people of India so desperately offended & the vast majority haven't even seen what's going on for themselves. Isn't that awful, that somehow by default an entire race it seems now feel so hated? If I were to choose to feel anything for myself personally here, it would be that there is a shame attached in feeling I may be hated by association because I live in the country Jade is born of.
We all need to take responsibility in any way we can. Please. Now.

Laughter, Compassion & Their Role in Human Evolution

Overheard in ladies loo at a cinema recently,

"....... and the thing was, he really didn't know what it was about & then you said..... 'because I don't want to!' "

PEELS OF LAUGHTER PEELS OF LAUGHTER MORE PEELS OF UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER!

Clearly it was hilariously funny, clearly they'd been laughing a while, clearly the amusement to them was........ utterly about them.
As a punchline, 'because I don't want to!' isn't exactly entertaining. Are you with me on that? It isn't ever going to get high on the list of 'suggested quips to make people fall about laughing'.
Fair enough, I came in on the tail end of 'the joke'. But if that was the way to hammer it home then I have my doubts about the hilarity of the rest of the story!
See the thing is, and here is the thing, it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I did only hear part of it, & I felt it misplaced to join in. Humour is, in part at least, a subjective affair & it also can be a private one. We know don't we, that we don't all laugh at the same things for a start, that even very well known & clever come-dians/diennes can fall flat on their faces when no one laughs, we know that people who earn their living making people laugh are not universally aclaimed either within their home country or in someone else's. It is generally accepted that as humans we have differing likes, dislikes, tastes & desires in terms of our entertainment choices. As a communication issue, do we need to know any more than that? Is something funny only when someone laughs? Could I have made it to do with me & found a way to join in....... would their situation have benefitted for my interaction....... why is it that I won't ever know & that makes me a little sad?

And how important is that anyway? And do I have any more questions about this??

Laughter serves a purpose above & beyond providing an acknowledgment for humour. For me, what I haven't said so far, is that the humour of the situation (as decreed by the huge waves of guffawing laughter) was infectious. I did laugh with them (not that I would let them see! I mean you know you don't often laugh with complete strangers right, that would just be too weird...... don't you think? Especially when you consider I had no clue what they were laughing about I had simply caught the atmosphere they were creating..........). The entire point here is that their laughter did give me a lift in my spirits. And I didn't even need one!!

There's a theme here. Because maybe I should have laughed with them. Anyone who knows me well & spends any time with me will know that I do indeed talk to anyone. And I mean properly talk to complete strangers about anything, not always instigated by me....... Let's set that statement into context before any of you decide to place me firmly in the category of lunatic!
What I do not do is go looking for conversations with anyone I might happen to bump into on the streets. What I do do is treat everybody with the same respect I anticiapte I would like for myself.
That has quite broad potential. For me what that actually means is that should anything come up in a public place that I see someone needs support for, I will take part. Decide on your own perception for 'support' here, & no I don't always feel like it. But, quite often I will instinctively, intuitively, use my voice for exactly the purpose I was given it. Call it advocacy for the human condition, call it noseyness, call it interference or whatever you want. Need is everywhere, perceived or otherwise, we are all vulnerable to need within ourselves & others. All our outward behaviour is about need, it's a reflection of how we feel on the inside. You see someone behaving awkwardly, likely they are feeling uncomfortable about something. But maybe you wouldn't see it that way unless you felt something too. See people laughing, likely they are happy inside, or at least that's what it may look like, to you, that day.
A lady I saw at the supermarket was having some bother with her trolley, it wouldn't go where she wanted it to, boy do I know how annoying that is. There wasn't much in it yet (her trolley) mine was thus far empty, we swapped & I went off in search of another. Now, I do not have all the time in the world to shop. I loathe the whole supermarket experience from beginning to end. I have a passionate distaste for the failure of supermarket trolleys & the stores' inability to replace dodgy ones. As a result, I celebrate every time I pick a good one! You know it's the small things in life that can really make a big difference! Anything that makes my shopping experience more about myself & at least tries to make use of the solitude gets my vote. I was not out looking for people to play with, I was in a hurry, I didn't want to part with my favoured trolley. But I imagined how this lady felt, rightly or wrongly I imposed it upon her, I knew that what I'd love love LOVE in that instance would be for someone to go get me a better trolley!!!! So I gave her mine. I ended up with quite a shocking one but you know that was quite funny because when I bashed into the same lady with it (while pulling it backwards because the blasted thing wouldn't go forwards!!) I suggested she run for the hills before I got her again. Oh how we laughed........ And do you want to know what she said to me? All the way round filling her trolley with her shopping, her focus had completely lifted from the issues she'd been dealing with when she came in, because all she could now think about was the fact that she'd never see me again & yet people could surprise you. She told me her daughter had just been diagnosed with a terminal cancer, she didn't know what would happen to her grandchildren when the time came. With the irritating experience of that rotten trolley her negativity was being compounded at every turn & she felt herself sinking fast. Her body language, her mood, her every thought was connected to the deep sadness within her & it sought to overwhelm her. I make no apology for reporting this event in this style. Anyone deciding that my suggestion (that a supermarket trolley can make that much difference to anyone's existence) is ridiculous, I say that clearly you don't spend as much time in supermarkets as I do. If you have no comprehension of how completely & utterly miserable they can make you within moments of wheeling them into the store, please swap places with whoever it is in your family who does the bulk of the shopping every now & again & trust me, your delight at their presence in your life will soar greatly. The point is, not that trolleys are a daily irritant that should be abolished forthwith (although I dream of that day coming) but that the simple things in life are free. Laughter, is free. Pain, is free. Isolation is free for the taking. I had a great laugh when I heard those two girls having their fit of giggles & I never told them. I isolated myself from their fun because I had decided in a split second that it wasn't mine. However, I somehow bonded with the lady at the supermarket & in the same length of time, a split second, I had removed myself from my isolation & broken ranks with accepted human behaviour. After all, how often do we even say hello to people we pass in the streets? We walk past other humans every single day as though they aren't there. I felt invisible & irrelevant with the laughing girls, after all, they hardly needed me. But the trolley lady, the trolley lady was sending out a different set of signals........ How do I know that the laughing girls wouldn't benefit from knowing they had made me smile? I made a choice based on...... what, exactly? Accepted social behaviour with strangers?

I'm writing this in awe of both experiences knowing they are tied together & not fully understanding why. However, I believe it has something to do with the connectedness of the human race or the lack thereof. I sense very much that we have joined a new evolutionary curve. I am far from the only person I know who is slowly but surely coming out of the social conditioning of our age that we don't talk to strangers, that the unknown is something to be feared, that involving yourself in the lives of others is somehow taboo unless invited. There are lots of us! As society has changed, we all move around either for education, for work, to run from bad experiences or towards better ones, we have contributed to the enormous loss of community spirit so evident during World Wars & pre-industrialisation. But you know what? It's coming back.

I'm not promising that the next time someone makes me laugh in public (& I've never met them before or think I'm likely to again) that I'll know what to do as instinctively as I did with the trolley lady. Or that I'll automatically want to do or say anything. But I would like to think that one day I might progress so far in my own social evolution to have come away maybe having said thank-you, maybe having joined in & hung around long enough to smile & chat, maybe even knowing their names. Not because I'm mad, desperate or lonely. Not because I have no clue or respect for people's privacy & their right to laugh in public unmolested by me. But because, purely & simply, it just feels like the right thing to do.

Christmas, New Year, Time to heal........ Time to move on!!

I find it hysterically funny that my last entry was such a clear comment on time management....... & how many weeks have passed since I wrote?? It's been mad is all I have to offer. Which brings me to today's sensational comment!

Did you know that at this time of year, not necessarily by callendar month, we humans are as prone to hibernation as our furry friends of the nut-hoarding variety?
Ever wondered why it is that you either slow down or speed up towards Christmas? Depending on whether or not you are excited about the party season, time off work or studying, eating & drinking to your heart's content, or, to the other extreme dreading time alone, the expense, the hard graft cooking for the four thousand relatives & friends you only remember you have as December draws to its conclusion....... either way your body & mind will undoubtedly respond to your inner state.

Some very good & wonderful friends of mine have today embarked upon what they (& I hope for them) will be the holiday of a lifetime. What are they doing that is so potentially adventurous? Taking January & the first part of February off!! For 5 blissful weeks they will be answerable to no one but themselves & the hotel feeding them. Imagine that?
Imagine that. For a second, sit back & imagine.......... nothing to do for over a month............
...................Feel good?

It's BOUND to!!!

For most people, normal people if ever we could describe any of us as such, it feels pretty good. To be able to let go of everything January may usually bring, let's think, the cold, the wet, the cold, catching up on all the letters/cards/correspondence omitted or neglected before December 25th, spring cleaning after the mess of decorations & dirty scuff marks left behind on walls & floors after the barage of abuse from visitors..... or just because you couldn't cope with cleaning the bathroom on top of everything else you also had no interest in doing (!) oh & did we mention the cold & the wet & the disappointment of no snow to at least look pretty for a while & make the cold seem a little more worth while......... See? What picture is this before us?? What heaven would we miss out on for a few weeks in the sun? Have we yet brought to mind the hellish mood in the work places around the World carrying the fetid atmosphere of near-excitement that let us down, near-complete-happiness-for-almost-two-whole-minutes, hefty with disappointment & it's partner in crime THE REALSIATION THAT NOTHING HAS CHANGED!

Oh dear. Won't do will it. Do you think we have a sense of the impending anti-climax, the weight of unrealised dreams before the Christmas break proper even begins? My money bets yes. I think we do. More power to my friends & anyone else with the good sense to reach out for themselves to truly give the best present ever, recovery time. Not just from Christmas & New Year but recovery from the entire preceding year! Change of scene, change of heart, change change change all the way. Cut some slack & if not actually going to sleep for a long period of time, simply exploring the nothing that allows freedom to explore our existence a little more.

They're both writers my friends. Both extremely creatively talented. Both tied to the humdrum of life getting in the way & preventing them from living their hearts' desire. One of them has had a heart attack. Warning enough. Five weeks lifted out of themselves & into a dreamland to who knows where..............
Can you imagine how their writing will be informed by their experience? Can you imagine allowing your creative energies to simply flow any which way they come? We all have creative energies whether you do indeed write or paint or sculpt or feel you have no connection with the above, you are as a human inherently creative. You have thoughts don't you?
Of course they have no idea how changed they may become, but the certainty is that they will be. How much will be partly choice & partly divine intervention, should you hold with such dynamics. I do. Anything could happen while they're away. Anything. Got that? A-N-Y-THING!

For me the start of a new year has brought with it the excitement & anticipation of my business projects meeting me coming at them at a pace. You see, I've already taken my break to recouperate, consolidate & 'rennovate'. A whole new me has emerged after 11 days with my beloved, just the two of us, a few friends here & there, no demands upon us except those we chose to make of ourselves. For anyone interested this involved lots of fresh air & exercise in the hills around our home, too much good food but oh so much quiet. Bliss. Having spent the last seven years spinning between here, there & everywhere (not only at this end of each year I might add!) we had made the choice not to travel at Christmas or New Year but to please ourselves. Webcams are wonderful things & we kept in touch with family that way, we 'saw' those people we hold dear, we missed them in the name of our own health & sanity this year. Oh, last year! This year is a whole new ball game!!

We, like many other people, are learning the true meaning of Christmas. As an over-commercialised, over-consumerised, over the top event with little relevance to any other event in history (unless you are a true believer & have your God & still manage to find the space you need to worship & offer thanks - no disrespect intended by bracketing this notion it simply looks better on the page.....!) so yes, as all of that, the true meaning can only be about ourselves. I don't mean selfishly, I mean in terms of survival. The true meaning is to become self-aware, to use the time to reflect if that's what you need, but most importantly to look after your health & set yourself up for the year ahead. I speak as one who has lost her health, many years ago now, to the demands of life & all it rests upon us before we realise we can say no. Having got it back incredibly successfully there is no way I'm letting go ever again & I encourage everyone to consider how they may do the same.

I'm very lucky. I learned a valuable lesson, ok I did it a hard way, but it isn't going to end there. We need to hibernate. We need to look after ourselves through the madness of Christmas whether we extend into the ability to take time for deep sleep or travel away from familiar ground for a complete change & rest........ we do need to be still & quiet. For in the quiet wisdom comes. Trust me, once you've had it you'll want it again. More than that you will discover that this habit will sustain you where others may falter.
Whether you take a day, five minutes or five weeks, promise to give a little something to yourself & promise you will encourage your loved ones to do the same.
It isn't taking, it's giving. And after all,

isn't that what Christmas is all about?

Time Management Please! How to escape deadline failure & create energy!

To all you time thieves out there.......... Get your own life & leave mine alone!!

You ever had that happen to you? Something or someone just appears as if by some strange kind of voodoz-gizmagic & throws you off course, round a few lamposts up a few trees & down with a bump of distinct lack of achievemnet-itis. Usually when you have a deadline, often when you need sleep, always when you know things are going just a little too well, you could almost expect it.
" I wonder what'll go wrong this time?-- La la la la lahaha, but isn't it all going well?-- usually about now I start to get jittery though-- Lalalala ha ha HAH but this time it's different...... isn't it.....? Oh look there's my deadline up ahead......" Aha!! That's the key you see, no?
We do know to expect trouble, because of the way we refer to 'usually' , 'often' or 'always'. It's in the title we give to our thoughts & it's in our heads giving out all that negative energy which will only attract more. But it isn't about anyone else, it's all about you.
Now we're getting somewhere, let us pause.........

.............Remind me just now what an amazing creature you are. Take a moment to evaluate yourself, appreciate all that you do that is good in your world, share it a little with the rest of us..... go on, my name is -fill in the blank- & I am amazing at -activity of your choice- . Feel better? Not thought of anything you're amazing at? Well stick around, that's another entry coming your way soon. Seriously, big pat on the back for what you do get done, all of it, in any measure.

Now for the science bit:
So, who are the time thieves & how do we escape them?

Where to begin....... Ok, see, it may surprise you to know, that someone you know really well could just be your favourite time-thief. By favourite I don't mean like an auntie in whose talcummed breast we can surrender our angst & relax into a deep hypnotic sleep...... unless that's just me.....(?) We're not talking about liking the experience here. What I mean with 'favourite' is, as in the dictionary definition of most prefered which in turn identifies that which we would rather choose or like better. And the really cute part is that if we just choose to take the time to get to know that certain someone just a leetle beet better ........ (you like the way I'm using the same words there for a bit of reinforcement...? Did it work?) we can rid ourselves of the curse of the time thieves once & for all!! Hoorah!!
Are you with me???
Play along with this one, go look in a mirror. When you have finished admiring yourself as you must surely do (no, you must, I insist) think about what you see. More importantly, who, exactly do you see? Do you see the person who needs to be introduced to their time-thief or do you see..... yourself.....? Really see yourSelf? Well hello to you, you have now met the worst & most unfortunate protagonist in this little tale, your biggest time thief ever, it's YOU!!!!
Now now, calm down, this isn't going to hurt any more than that did, the worst is now over. Apart from admitting it. To yourself. Now. 'Hello, me, I am The time thief I fear the most'. Something like that. And just get over it already. Because once you have met them & honoured their existence in your life, guess what? You can set yourself free! This is going to be the best thing that ever happened to you, or the worst if you enjoy making up excuses but we won't go there.

It is an unalterable fact that in life we do the worst possible things to ourselves then look around for someone else to blame. I would love your examples of this so do post your comments. It's fun once you get into it. But seriously folks, we do do that, & we do it rather a lot. In terms of how or why we would do that, don't beat yourself up with the naughty stick, you're only human after all. Oh, & if you're not & you're reading this, far out! The most common cause of stealing from ourselves the most precious commodity known to mortal man is......... fill in the blank as you see fit. Oh alright then, I'll tell, but only if you promise to really really think about......... ok? Where was I, yes, common causation re time-thievery. Well think about it for a moment. Who among us makes use of the bahaviour tool procrastinatus no-actionus? No? What about the neat little disease of something-better-to-do-itis, the not so clever not-lazy-just-need-to-think pause button, or the designer label of did-you-say-next-week-daaarling. No? Oh yes yes yes & there are so many many more, we all have that behaviour tool in our repertoire but it goes by any other name because that too feeds its nasty little habit. Whatever your awareness level currently is regarding your desire or ability to put off that which you could easliy fit into tomorrow is, I can gaurantee you it's happening. Even the most highly trained motivators, coaches, visionaries, (me) professionals with deadlines, er who else........ me, again, we all do it. It isn't always glaringly obvious, sometimes it comes well wrapped in so much other stuff we can't detect the little fella. But I promise you it's there. It is called procrastination & it is often driven by self-sabotage.
What happens is (those of you with an understanding of the Art & Science of NLP will know well) little doubts & questions begin to sneak around gobbling little pockets of time as they go......... we're often not aware of their root cause, we may not know how hungry they are....... but given time the little varmints take over & lo we realise something ain't quite right. So we fight it, we want to win, we want to succeed, make that deadline, prove ourselves......... and............ drat! Pesky little critters gain momentum & voice, crescendo is reached followed by fever pitch of panic & can we think straight in all of that????? You can??
Wow! Most of us find that a real challenge, it's just so noisy & frenetic & frustrating & we slow down...... we fight it...... try to keep going no matter what..... but it feels like walking through treacle to reach a construction site & halfway there you realise you're losing all your tools.
The answer??
Stop.
Be still.
Allow flow...........
Allow ebb.......
Make some new friends as you uncover your own natural rhythm.....

That's how you deal with the symptoms!!!
But you want to know how to tackle the cause!?!
Do you believe yet that you sabotage yourself...........?
Watch this space for more if you want to live your best life.
And remember, pat yourself on the back every time you manage to finish something in time, on time, to the best of your ability. Acknowledge your successes however small. Tell yourself you're great, at least 10 times a day, watch what happens when you start to believe...............


email to jennie@esteemsolutions.co.uk
website coming soon!!!!! www.esteemsolutions.co.uk

It Happened On The Seafront

It all started because I was playing hooky. I work for myself so any time I'm not at my desk, prospecting for clients, with clients or otherwise "available", I'm playing hooky. But this was no ordinary hooky. As I found out, this was very important hooky.

There I was staring out to sea, wondering at the enormity of life.... I had just attended my Profit Club breakfast meeting, it was still only 10.15am & I had the entire day to reflect on what we're all to make of The Law of Attraction......

I was not alone! Well I mean, can't a girl get some peace? On a seafront as big as, as, well it's a big one ok. Plenty of room to avoid people. Plenty of big wide open space to mind your own business......
"Morning young Miss!" came the shout out.... my way. My way? What was I doing? Hold on a minute, I was walking towards him!
"Morning to you!" came my jovial reply. Now, I realise I referred to myself earlier as a girl. Fact is I know some girls, & they're a lot younger than me so ok I'm a sucker for a compliment & he had me, he thought I was a 'young miss'. Right in the palm of his hand I was like a swooning..... thing that swoons. Well he was old & you know, they fought the war, can't be rude to an old person.

Herein lies today's first lesson. Okay, yesterday's but I got home late & didn't have time to do this. So, the lesson. Yes what was it? Yes, ok, this man. He'd seen me.

-If I am invisible, how did he see me standing there? And more, of all the people passing by, why did he talk to me?

Because I was invisible once! And now, I'm just not anymore.

A story for you: once upon a time a very long time ago (hey, don't push it, I've fessed up to the age thing now leave it alone) there was a young (heyho) girl who liked to watch people. She watched people because, one day, she hoped to become just like them, only she didn't know how. Thing is, as a 'not-quite-a-real-person-yet' kind of a person, this girl didn't realise that she could be seen. Other people, the real ones, they could be seen. She knew this because she watched them, every day. There they all were, living their lives, doing their thing, supposedly (definitley she thought) successfully.

When this girl grew up, she realised she had spent all of her time trying to learn how to be somebody else. And now, because of all that wasted energy, the girl became very sick. And the girl stayed sick........ for a very long long time.

Throughout her efforts to become well, she still felt invisible as she was very clearly most definitely still not a real person. How can you be when you're living off the state, totally dependant on the people around you for almost everything, seemingly giving nothing back & feeling like a burden? How? Huh? Well you know I really don't know the answer to that one. How does anyone feel like a real person? A grown up. What's a grown up?

So this man had my attention. Why not, I had clearly grabbed his. And this is something I know I do on a frequent basis, only conveniently remembering to be invisible on days like well yesterday, but see I'd been working with The Law & The Law clearly states that positive vibes will attract like in return. There would have been nothing I could do to stop it unless I decided to sink into a bucket of negative.... stuff.... that lives in buckets. You get my drift. I was 'aligned' you see. That's what it's called when you're allowing the good stuff you want to come your way to make that transition from thought waves into matter. You'll have to read the book. Well there's loads of books. Get one that suits you, it's called The Law of Attraction.

The girl woke up one day & the world was different. She had one goal in mind & that was to be well again. But first, she had to know what was wrong. Her disease (dis-ease) was misunderstood, no one really knew what it was & no one knew what to do about having it. Certainly there was no one to tell her how to recover, that just didn't seem to happen. While she was awake, the girl got to thinking........ 'see all that time I spent watching...... I don't know why, but it means something. I'm going to find out what it means because that's what I was doing right before I became so sick.'

The "Aha" of that moment really wore her out & she quickly fell back to sleep. It was an enormous task. Her mission, should she choose to accept it, was to use all that stored information for her recovery. But it needed sifting & sorting. It needed organisation. It needed to make sense. If she was right then she could be well in oh say, a couple more years? But then what.....?

I should have at least asked for his name. He was in fact 82, would have indeed seen the tail end of the War if not been involved in some way...... most men of that age were. Why does the War still make me feel like crying...... So he told me he'd seen me take a good look out to sea but he didn't think I'd be going in for a dip any time soon. Er, correct. It was mild-ish, it's autumn after all so the heat of the summer sun has all but DISAPPEARED COMPLETELY!!! Sorry. Had a late holiday overseas & came back to falling leaves, cold snaps & just generally lots of other snaps as tempers fray & the days get shorter.... & shorter..... Anyhoo, no I wasn't going in. Cheeky monkey was provoking me! Cheeky monkey was wanting to brag about the fact that....... "Been in not less than three times this last week!"

Now see, why is it when confronted with somewhat of a bold act from someone old enough to be my Grandad (loved my Grandad) I'm reduced to the interractive skills of a chipmunk. Yes I squeaked. Cheeks puffed, squeak emitted, what next? I have no idea how to talk to old people without sounding exceptionally maternal, nurturing & oh deary deary me, PATRONISING. Yikes. Someone get me out of here before I embarass myself.

The girl did eventually recover her health. Hoorah! More than that she uncovered a sense of self so profound that she had to recreate her relationships with all of these people (whether thay had ever known she existed or not) so that she could use the information in the right way. Not trying to learn how to be just like them, but learning how to show them how to be more of themselves. And as for her health, what d'you know! Esteem Solutions was born. Yippee!!!!

So the lesson then. Yes the lesson. Where was I? Yes, should've bought him a cup of tea. Law of Attraction rule no. 5,673 (possibly number 1 actually but I'm not one of the experts just yet so go with the humour on this one) "Follow your Bliss" . Want to know the full quotation? Want to know who first said that? Your wish is my command: "Follow your bliss & the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.", Joseph Campbell 1904-1987.

It would have been an honour to spend some time with this man, not playing hooky. Learning about life, learning how to be. He left me standing there gawping, he said I looked beautiful (reason for the gawp, I squeaked a thank-you- actually that's harsh, I was marginally more articulate than a chipmunk by this stage. For the sake of argument I'll promote myself to a raccoon) I turned to walk on the sand. But goodness me I'm stupid. He walked past me half an hour later, raised his hand up behind me in salute & hailed something or other that the wind took away & still I stood there. What was I supposed to do, run after him & ask if he could spare the time?

So the lesson. You tell me.