Competition, pure & simple.
It's always down to comparisons.
It's as old as time itself. Whether your fire is bigger than mine or you live on a better part of the river to me........ same as better car, nice part of town........ don't you think?
Which means that whenever we witness someone being victimised, whether we agree with it or not, a part of us connects with that primal condition in all of us that understands that it is bound to happen. We may not like what we see, we may in fact feel quite strongly that it is wrong. But, because most people will at some time in their life have first hand experience of bullying, victimisation or isolation, there is going to be that sense that the reason for it may well be explainable. So what happens? We sit on the fence, we make excuses, we compound the situation & no one wins. Inaction is the enemy, not the pain of the perpetrator.
I am heartened by the latest furore, & it is on a mammoth scale, surrounding the inhabitants of that social nightmare scenario in the 'Big Brother' house. Whether or not any or all of them are true celebrities is irrelevant. They are human beings, we are watching them as entertainment, we all share a reponsibilty for the outcomes.
Thing is, I don't usually watch it, either version, for no reason other than I don't feel a need to watch. Although each group of people contained within it's walls are unique, & each dynamic will of course vary, the general result is the same. As a concept, I know that people's behaviour will change, there will be bullying, there will be attention seeking, there will be tears & laughter. I simply have no interest in watching people self-destruct so publicly. It's like pulling teeth to me. I'm squeamish like that.
I do have an urge to comment now though. This has really got under my skin. Having not watched anything beyond the opening night when the lambs all trailed their weary ways to slaughter (I'm curious about who wishes to put themselves through it at least!) I had no clue apart from a headline or two about Jade's mother referring to Shilpa as 'the Indian'. That was enough to catapult me into a state or wonderment, & I don't man as in 'wonderland'. I heard about the lack of anyone putting her straight & explaining to her that this is an unacceptable way to refer to someone. But it didn't seem to develop, so was it a storm in a teacup? Would we be comfortable accepting that ignorance is any kind of excuse? If we could even accept that ignorance was to blame!
This is where I get off my own self-constructed fence & have to say that this is the distinction that will educate our future. Excuses are not acceptable, ever. The 'but' to that statement is that there will always be reasons. The reasons, the source of the reasons, will be a salvation if only we take time to look at them honestly.
Why do we need honesty? Because, Jade has managed to pull in at least two other occupants to her camp. They can think for themselves can't they? They all got on perfectly well before Jade came along, didn't they? How is that possible? My personal view is that Jade has her own very deeply ingrained set of criteria by which she judges herself. For me, this is the whole crux of my argument. It doesn't matter how well she has done for herself since her exposure to the world of celebrity & the money that comes along with it. I know very few details about her life before or after BB, but I'm aware of her as a modern celebrity like many of us will be. What I know is that she has a low opinion of herself. It's palpable. And it's a terrible shame.
In order to climb up out of the pit her own criteria provide, she needs to garner 'friends' who will understand where she's coming from. Anyone vulnerable to any kind of outside pressure (er hello, we're talking about a 'celebrity' experience here) will fall foul of the 'safety in numbers' issue which any contained group is exposed to. So in honesty, as a human concern, do we care for Jade too? Can we care for Jade when all around us she is being pillaried for her insensitivities, her crass statements, & her bullying tendencies? It's called emotional parity & it's the oldest trick in the book. Many people will not even know they are doing it, it's like an autopilot instruction for the subconscious that cries out to survive. And what will cause the most likely behaviour required to survive? Equality. It's a birthright. And we will fight if that's what it takes to bring everyone down to the same level. Emotional parity will do just that but it's a destructive force. "I feel bad & I want you to feel bad too" is counterproductive in a competitive world. And there are too many influential people who are aware that they are employing it in order to climb higher up the heap.
Shilpa is a beautiful young woman. She is wonderfully self-asssured, has a grace, presence, awareness of her place in her world which we might all aspire to. That level of self-certainty is a blessing & a wonder to behold. Unfortunately for Jade, & anyone else with her who may be aware they foster their own insecurities, this is perceived as a threat. It isn't a conscious behaviour, it's an innate, primal, desperate need from a depth many people wander the planet unaware they have.
I feel for all of them. No matter what any of them went into that house thinking they were aware of, what they now have is something altogether different & they are all woefully unprepared for how it's making them feel. Feelings are everything. Acknowledging them seems to affect people like a plague & so often has to be avoided at all costs. What we really ought to do is embrace them & allow them their space. Ignore your feelings at your peril. Fight other people over their own & you have a monster waiting to burst out & have its say.
Jade is a victim as much as Shilpa. What is happening to Shilpa is abhorent. What's the answer? Find the reasons for the behaviour & honour the pain therein. I have no doubt from all I have gleaned that Danielle & Jo will thorughly regret their roles in this drama & we need to feel for them too.
Please let us, if nothing else, learn from this debacle, for that's what it is. Out of control with the people of India so desperately offended & the vast majority haven't even seen what's going on for themselves. Isn't that awful, that somehow by default an entire race it seems now feel so hated? If I were to choose to feel anything for myself personally here, it would be that there is a shame attached in feeling I may be hated by association because I live in the country Jade is born of.
We all need to take responsibility in any way we can. Please. Now.
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